I was emasculating my man at every turn!

nathan-dumlao-5BB_atDT4oA-unsplash

A long time ago, I used to complain about my man not stepping up, when in fact, I was leaving him no space to do so!.

 

Discovering this crucial insight became the catalyst for my husband and my relationship to thrive rather than just survive ... AND… The best part is ….  He didn’t have to change a thing!

 

Let me take you back to when my girls were little ...

 

I was just so annoyed all of the time. I constantly felt like I was the one doing everything and every damn day felt like a repeat of the last!

 

Wake up, get kids ready, make the lunches, take them to day-care/school, be late for work, miss my lunch break to make up time, pick kids up from day-care/school, think about what to make for dinner, purchase the ingredients, make the dinner, try and help with homework, bath time, read a story, put them to bed, put a load of washing on, do the dishes …… and while he sat on the lounge during all of that, they still came to me to ask for that f*#@ing drink and to put them back to bed!

 

Oh, not to mention trying to find time for myself and to be a desirable partner.

 

It sounds exhausting and IT WAS.

I just wanted him to step up, and I didn't think I should have to ask because, HE SHOULD JUST KNOW. Does that sound familiar?

 

Battling on with this as well as a range of different issues from fixing others, to people pleasing to saying yes when I wanted to say no, I realised something needed to change but I didn't know what.

A friend had gently suggested I explore some personal development with a coach and so I decided to give it a try.

After embarking on this journey and learning  to look within … I finally understood what I had been doing.

I had been emasculating my man at every turn. Anything he did, he just didn't do it good enough.

 

If he didn’t pack the dishwasher right, I’d be at him.

If he didn’t cut the crust off the girl’s sandwiches, I’d be at him.

If he was taking the girls out for the day or to child care I'd be nagging him about what he had packed for the day.

If he didn’t fold the clothes before the footy, I’d be at him.

If he didn’t sweep before he mopped, I’d be at him.

If he bought take out instead of making dinner, I’d be at him.

If he wasn’t doing anything to my standard, I took it upon myself to do it myself and I still complained about it, (huffing and puffing and slamming things).

 

So, he stopped trying!

 

I learnt that ....

 

* I was my own worst enemy, and over complicating everything.

* I needed to get off my high horse and stop expecting him to "just know" I need help, because guess what ... he didn't know. If I want help, just ask, because asking for support is not nagging, and our men actually want to help.

* If there is a task you want done a certain way, then do it yourself without getting the shits.

* Let him make mistakes

* Let him contribute in his own way

* Let him know what he is doing well

* Thank him without always needing it in return

* Trust that he is strong, capable, and willing

* Choose what to let go of and what to hold onto

(Is it really worth your energy to worry about how he stacks the dishwasher?)

* Remind him he is worthy and loved

* Give him compliments and say things to boost his ego

* Take his compliments!

(he would always tell me I looked beautiful. I would just laugh or say “ whatever”. So, he stopped giving them. I thought it was because he didn’t think it anymore, but he did, he always did, he was just sick of me not taking the compliment)

* Let him catch you staring at him from time to time

* Tell him he is appreciated and why

* Don't compare him to other men, belittle him in front of others or make out his job or salary isn’t good enough.

* Most of all SAY what you want and say what you need!

(Don’t fluff around. He does not know how to read between the lines like we do)

 

As a Personal Growth Coach | Parent Coach who walks this path, I'm dedicated to helping other parents blend personal growth with parenting, leading to a fulfilling life for themselves and their family.

 

Khinhtay-yee 

Core Compass

6-week | online | group coaching experience tailored specifically for parents who are looking to reconnect with their true selves while balancing their parenting journey.

htaygood3

Leave a Comment