The constant presence of devices

As parents, it's easy to feel frustrated with the constant presence of devices and screen time in our children's lives, especially when we worry about what they may be seeing or learning. It's natural to long for the simpler days of our own childhood, but it's important to recognise that times have changed. The world our kids are growing up in is vastly different, and their development is shaped by new tools and technology. But we also need to reflect on our own habits—how often are we on our devices too? Our children are watching us, and our behaviour sets the tone. Instead of fighting against this evolution, we can learn to embrace it by modelling healthy screen and setting boundaries that support their overall well-being.

 

But what if the real problem isn’t the device? What if the issue is how we’re thinking about it?

 

When you see your teen scrolling endlessly on their phone, your first thought might be:

 

They’re wasting time,

They’re disconnected from the family, and

This is going to hurt their future.

 

It’s natural to want to control the situation, perhaps by setting strict rules around screen time or worrying about the dangers of excessive use.

 

However, have we considered why they might be on their device so much? Maybe they’re using it as a way to cope with stress or connect with friends in ways that feel safe to them. For many teens, their devices are a lifeline for social interaction, especially when they’re navigating the pressures of school and growing up.

 

While it’s important to be mindful of the potential for addiction and the negative impacts or exposure with excessive screen time, when we shift our thinking from “Devices are the problem” to “What’s really going on with my teen?”—we start seeing things differently. We realise it’s less about the phone and more about their need for connection, support, or even a way to unwind.

 

When one of my daughters was younger, she was really into Minecraft, and while many parents around us viewed it as a negative thing, I saw it differently. To me, it was more than just a game—I saw her being creative, setting goals, solving problems, thinking ahead, overcoming challenges, and collaborating with friends on big ideas. The key was establishing clear boundaries and time limits right from the start. That way, it never got out of hand, and I wasn’t stuck trying to rein it back in. Instead, I could gradually loosen the reins as she proved she could manage it responsibly. Now that my kids are older, they’ve evolved to playing Fortnite together as a family (with their dad). It’s not just about the game—it’s become a way for them to bond, work together as a team, and enjoy some fun, shared experiences. The same principle applies: with healthy limits and open communication, gaming can be a positive part of family life.

 

As a coach, I help parents explore these deeper layers. Together, we work on reframing these situations, understanding the underlying motivations, and finding solutions that promote healthy boundaries while also honouring their needs.