Learning to Let Go of The Fixer Role in Parenting

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the “caretaker”. As a kid, I took on that role, always trying to make sure everyone was okay, fixing things for others so they wouldn’t feel hurt or upset.

I carried that habit into my adult relationships and especially into my parenting. When my kids felt disappointed or upset, my instinct was to jump in, fix the problem, or smooth over their emotions so everything felt okay again.

Over time, and through my development, I’ve come to realise that the caretaker instinct to rescue my kids from their feelings can sometimes hinder their emotional growth. Instead of rushing to fix their disappointments or frustrations, it’s crucial to give them the space they need to process their emotions, as allowing them to feel is an essential part of helping them develop emotional resilience.

Big lessons I have learnt - When your kids are upset, pause before reacting. Instead of rushing to solve their problems or chastising them, acknowledge their feelings and let them know you understand.

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable watching them sit with their emotions; this discomfort is a natural part of life.

One common issue I see in parenting today is that parents often react personally to their children's emotional responses, which can create a divide and make it take longer to work through the situation.

Remember, their emotions are not a reflection of your parenting, so try not to take it personally or feel to blame. Instead, focus on validating their feelings and guiding them through their emotions rather than internalising them.

As long as their emotional response is safe and not hurting them or anyone else, give them the space to express themselves.

This approach not only helps them to feel safe in processing their feelings but it builds emotional resilience and can create a healthier relationship dynamic.